MOVIE REVIEW: SNAKES ON A PLANE

SNAKES ON A PLANE

= 4 SNAKE FILLED MOTHERFUCKING AIRPLANES!

Storyline: Some dude sees a murder and the murderer wants him killed.

One word: Awsome! Honestly, I went into the movie without the highest of hopes. Even more honestly, when I first heard about this movie I thought it would be totally stupid and that Hollywood has run out of ideas. I then heard that Samuel L. Jackson would be in the movie. My interest was peaked. Not quite enough to want to go see it, but it was peaked. I then started to hear about how dedicated he was to this movie. How he was putting his foot down when they tried to change it’s name or reduce it to a PG film instead of R…then I started to look into it more. By that time the Internet hype machine was in full gear. There are numerous sites dedicated to this film. My personal favorite Internet related item for this movie is the call or email you can get from Sam on this movie.

Now, on to my review! (like anyone actually reads this worthless blog! (no pun intended…seriously)).

The movie did have it’s campy scenes. Not many though. There were only a few spots I could have done without. I like how they had the snakes doing things that we can only imagine in our minds. A snake biting someone in the eye for instance. Or maybe a snake getting under your clothes. They did do some nice snake related exploring pieces. The action was non stop. There were few slow moments. Most of the movie was revolved around the snakes. As expected. The normal slow beginning and ending of the movie was short lived. The action started from around 5 minutes in and stopped with about 5 minutes to spare.

If you don’t like snakes, this movie isn’t for you. My girlfriend found that one out. Even though she said that she thought it looked interesting. She was just going because I wanted to go. I give her credit for that. I owe her so many damn chick flicks right now it’s not funny.

The graphics were really well done. I know from seeing interviews and such on other programs that all the snakes used in the making of the movie were harmless. But they did a great job at making them look dangerous as hell!

All in all…it’s a good movie. Not the best movie ever…but very good. If you enjoy movies like Anaconda, Deep Blue Sea or Lake Placid type movies, then you will thoroughly enjoy this one! It is surprisingly well put together, great actions sequences, everyone who you want to be killed gets killed, decent storyline, altogether fun movie.

P.S. It is R rated…it’s not for kids! I hate the dumb asses who bring their 9 year old kids to these kinds of movies! She didn’t scream or anything, but it’s not a pretty movie. There is a lot of swearing too…some people!

MOVIE REVIEW: PULSE

PULSE = 1 1/2 crappy stars

I really didn’t very high hopes for this movie anyway. It didn’t have any type of “wow!” factor. Nothing really seemed all that original. The basis for the movie is there are dead people that have been released by a virus that found an unknown frequency!!! Everybody panic! How the hell can a virus find an unknown frequency???? It’s like discovering the number 82394! “We had no idea that the number 82394 was between 1 – 100000!” Stupid. Then the dead people use that frequency to come into our world to steal our souls. And then people loose the will to live. That’s basically it. One girl is on a quest to stop it all from happening.

It wasn’t very scary. There were one or two scary/freaky scenes. But nothing that hasn’t been done in the past. If you absolutely must see this move…go see it at the dollar show or bribe a friend into paying for you. I wouldn’t even rent the damn thing. But that’s my opinion…

***EDIT - FUN TIMES THIS PAST WEEKEND - EDIT***

***This post has been edited from it's original posting...you'll see why below.***

So I throw a little house warming party for family and friends Saturday night. Sunday morning, I find my wallet to be empty...including coupons! My bank envelope that I was saving for Property Taxes empty! And my bank envelope with spending money empty! My girlfriends wallet was emptied! There are only 3 people who could have stolen it. One is my girlfriend (who showed me her empty wallet and purse). One is a friend that I've known all my life (30+ years). The other is a friend of the friend. I'm sure it was her. Why? Because while we were sitting out on the patio, she had to go inside the house a few times to go to the restroom. And both me and my friends wife saw her with a bunch of $100's in her purse.

Yep, she almost forgot her purse and her boyfriend went in the house to get it. Opens it to get the car keys out and pulls out a huge wad of cash! With a very dumbfounded look on his face, he asked her where she got it. Since earlier in the night she mentioned that she is not working and has no money ( i.e. she didn't have the money to buy a joint). She claimed she had been saving it.

Of course I didn't think twice at the time. It was late, I had a few beers. Those neurons weren't quite firing very well at the time. Like they say, hindsight is 20/20.

***edited part***
I got a call yesturday from her boyfriend saying that he found my stuff and that he wants to return it. We met up that night and he returned everything.

Appartently, she does not remember taking it. She has a brain tumor and blacks out. Do I believe that...not right now. Would I like to believe that...yes.

I guess she has been going nuts these past few days about this. She lost her phone for a short period. That is why they never called me back. Seems they could have checked her voicemail from any phone...but that's just me thinking. Hmm...like I said, I don't completely believe that. If that is the truth, I hope she gets the help she needs. If that's not the truth, I hope she gets the help she needs.

P.S. One more thing...a big F.U. shoutout to the Madison Heights Police Department for not doing a damn thing through this whole fucking ordeal! I even had fingerprints on the object that was hiding my stuff, but apparently that still didn't point to her actually taking my shit!!!! What the hell is the point of paying taxes, paying insurance when in a time of need all they do is come up with bullshit excuses NOT to help you?!?!?!?!

CLERKS II

I saw Clerks II on opening weekend.  It was the funniest movie that I have ever seen!  You have GOT to go see it!  The first one was good.  And I did have my doubts about another sequel.  But damn is that movie funny!  To get all cliché here…there was non stop laughter!  And EVERYONE laughed.  Not just one or two people; or small groups.  EVERYONE!  I don’t think I have ever experienced that.

 

The funniest part of the movie, hands down, was the donkey part.  It also happened to be the weirdest, grossest, squinching part of the whole movie as well.  One minute your laughing your ass off, the next minute you want to look away from the screen.  Weird, but funny as hell!

 

I am definitely going to be buying this when it comes out on DVD.  I really hope they release a dual DVD pack with I & II right away.  I hate it when the studios get greedy and release a movie and then a few months later release a “Director’s Cut” or something money horing like that.  (Dodgeball and Sin City come to mind)

 

And if you are smart enough to go see it…stick around until the end.  There is no video, but you have to read fast.  I didn’t catch nearly everything, but was I was able to read was great!  One of those play in slow motion from the DVD moments.

 

Go see it!!!!  CLERKS II